Canadian Nature: Ogopogo Wants Your Flesh

The sighting of USO’s (Unidentified Swimming Objects) has been consistent for hundreds of years in North America, including mysterious tales of aquatic creatures that are part of Native American lore. What are USO’s? Are they creatures left over from the Mesozoic era whose offspring haunt our waters? Or, perhaps, they are giant beavers or logs blown by the wind; naturally occurring objects that appear to the viewer to be something sinister.

The answer: Who cares. USO’s are cool in that aloof, James Dean type of way; they are a mystery that drive our imaginations. Plus, they are helpful to the local tourist industry.

Canada’s best known USO is Ogopogo. Here are some facts associated with this Lake Monster:

(Oh, No!! Look out, everyone. Ogopogo has become a land-based creature.)

Scientific Name: Ogopogous anomalous.

Lifespan: Infinity.

Preferred Habitat: Lake Okanagan, British Columbia, Canada. Enjoys vacationing in Vegas because of the easy access to hookers.

Dietary Habits: It is suspected that Ogopogo feeds on the souls of the damned, also known as Wal-Mart employees.

Behaviour: Ogopogo is rather shy and introverted, but is known to have a good sense of humour. He will often play practical jokes on boaters traveling on Lake Okanagan, such as biting chunks of flesh from their buttocks, or tipping boats and devouring any young children that fall out.

It is rumoured that Ogopogo is also a world-class chef, and makes a mean duck a l’orange.

(Which one these people will be Ogopogo’s next practical-joke victim?)