Canadian Lists: Top-Three Canadian Territories

If you thought making the top-ten Canadian province list was difficult, well, it was nothing compared to the internal conflict I had regarding the list for the top-three Canadian Territories.

“Only the top three,” you ask?!?!?!?

Yes. I needed a challenge.

So, once again, congratulations to those Canadian territories that made the list. You are truly the cream of the Canadian territory crop.

Here they are, in no particular order:

North West Territories: Motto: “You Think Winnipeg Is Cold…”

Yukon: Motto: “Come For The Gold, Stay For The Hookers”

Nunavut: Motto: “Whitey’s Worst Nightmare”

Canadian Lists: Top-Ten Provinces

Top Ten lists are always fun. I present to you the top-ten Canadian Provinces.

Because I had such a difficult time choosing the ten best Canadian provinces, I decided to forgo trying to figure out a ranking. You can be sure, though, that every province that made this list deserves to be here. These provinces are, if nothing else, the shining light of Canada, and I am proud that all of them are part of the Dominion.

For anyone from a province that was not included on this list, all I can say is sorry, but your province just wasn’t good enough. Please, though, if you do live in a Canadian province that didn’t make the list, leave me a comment and let me know why your province should be on the list, as well as where your province is located.

Here are the top ten Canadian provinces:

Alberta: Provincial motto – “Liberals Suck”.

Nova Scotia: Provincial motto – “We Like Wearing Blonde Wigs and Dressing As Leprechauns“.

British Columbia: Provincial motto – “What?…uh..heheh…What?…Light Another One, Man…”.

Newfoundland and Labrador: Provincial motto – “Stronger Economy Than Ontario Now”

Saskatchewan: Provincial motto – “We’re Tired Of Flat Jokes”.

Prince Edward Island: Provincial motto – “It’s Not The Size Of The Province That Matters, It’s The Size Of The Potato”.

Manitoba: Provincial motto – “At Least We’re Not Ontario”.

New Brunswick: Provincial motto – “You Think P.E.I Has A Big Potato, You Should See Ours”.

Ontario: Provincial motto – “At Least We’re Not Manitoba”.

Quebec: Provincial motto – “What Is This ‘Canada’ You Speak Of?”

Next week: The top-three Canadian territories.

Canadian Nationalism: CFL Vs. NFL

The National Football League is coming to Toronto. Well, it’s coming to Toronto via Buffalo, as the Buffalo Bills are playing something like eight-games at the Rogers Centre over the next five-years (I think).

I’m a little fuzzy on the details because I really don’t care about football in either it’s NFL or Canadian Football League versions. “What? They don’t wear skates or swing a bat? Pfffff…who cares.”

But, this situation does bring up some interesting questions and points:

• What are the long term intentions of this move? Is this a test to see how a NFL team would do in Toronto? Is this the initial stages of a two-city team; the sharing of the Bills between Buffalo and Toronto?
• Is it possible the Bills may eventually move to Toronto, a much larger market than Buffalo?
• If the NFL gains a foothold in the Toronto market does it mean the end of the CFL? The CFL commissioner stated that, yes, if an NFL team became established in Toronto, this would mean the end of the Argos, and an end to CFL football.
• Does this prove that Toronto really isn’t a Canadian city? Then again, what Canadian market would deny an NFL franchise at the expense of the CFL?

Canadian Nature: Ogopogo Wants Your Flesh

The sighting of USO’s (Unidentified Swimming Objects) has been consistent for hundreds of years in North America, including mysterious tales of aquatic creatures that are part of Native American lore. What are USO’s? Are they creatures left over from the Mesozoic era whose offspring haunt our waters? Or, perhaps, they are giant beavers or logs blown by the wind; naturally occurring objects that appear to the viewer to be something sinister.

The answer: Who cares. USO’s are cool in that aloof, James Dean type of way; they are a mystery that drive our imaginations. Plus, they are helpful to the local tourist industry.

Canada’s best known USO is Ogopogo. Here are some facts associated with this Lake Monster:

(Oh, No!! Look out, everyone. Ogopogo has become a land-based creature.)

Scientific Name: Ogopogous anomalous.

Lifespan: Infinity.

Preferred Habitat: Lake Okanagan, British Columbia, Canada. Enjoys vacationing in Vegas because of the easy access to hookers.

Dietary Habits: It is suspected that Ogopogo feeds on the souls of the damned, also known as Wal-Mart employees.

Behaviour: Ogopogo is rather shy and introverted, but is known to have a good sense of humour. He will often play practical jokes on boaters traveling on Lake Okanagan, such as biting chunks of flesh from their buttocks, or tipping boats and devouring any young children that fall out.

It is rumoured that Ogopogo is also a world-class chef, and makes a mean duck a l’orange.

(Which one these people will be Ogopogo’s next practical-joke victim?)