The Moose: *Wipes Tear From Eye*

Alright, this was just too damn cute, even with the cheesy music.

Canadian Sports: Five-pin Bowling

Today was the opening ceremonies for the XXIX Summer Olympic Games. XXIX is ‘29′ in roman numerals. The next Summer Olympics will be the the 30th, and will be represented as XXX. This will be known as the Adult Olympics.

One sport not represented in the Olympics, possibly because it is only played in Canada, is five-pin bowling. Five-pin bowling, much like the ‘normal’ ten-pin variety, requires the participant to knock down pins by the use of a ball. Other than that the two sports are vastly different. For example, five-pin bowling uses five pins, as opposed to the ten pins used in ten-pin bowling. This is probably why they are called five-pin and ten-pin bowling respectively.

The ball for five-pin bowling is also different. It is much smaller than the traditional ten-pin ball, so much so that you can hold the five-pin ball in one hand and there are no holes for the bowlers fingers. Some people–not mentioning any names–have been known to bowl overhand with a five-pin bowling ball. This behaviour usually upsets the owners of the bowling alley, and is generally frowned upon.

(A five-pin bowler and a five-pin bowling ball. I’ll let you figure out which one is which.)

In order to understand the sport of five-pin bowling better, I thought it best to examine the terminology used in this sport. I found the article on Wikipedia to have a good list of the terms that are particular to the sport. Unfortunately most of the definitions are wrong. Below I have listed the correct definitions.

• “Punch” – What you do to your opponent when the aren’t looking.
• “Plug” – What you suggest your opponent puts in his mouth when he starts trash talking.
• “Pick” – Each player is allowed one ‘pick’ per game. This is where you serrupticiously place a booger on your opponent’s ball. This action results in your opponent being ‘grossed out’ and will often cause them to flub their next shot.
• “Headpin” – If your opponent discovers you delivering a ‘pick’ they are then allowed to smack you upside the head with a bowling pin.
• “Chop” or “Chop-off” – What the winner of the game does to one of the losers fingers.
• “Split” – What the loser does immediately after the game to avoid the ‘Chop-off’.
• “Howie” – If your name is Howie you automatically get an additional 15 points.
• “10 the hard way” – What happens to a bowler who is found cheating. See “Punch” for further details.
• “Strike Out” – If a bowler scores a perfect game , they get to ’strike out’ their opponent, often by use of a “Headpin” or “10 the hard way”.
• “Turkey” – Five-pin bowler’s favourite sandwich.
• “Clean game” – A game with no “Picks”.
• “Wood” – What a female five-pin bowler causes.

Canadian Nature: The Beaver (Part 2)

The beaver is Canada’s main animal symbol. It is also the main reason that European settlement began in the area that was to become our nation. Beaver fur hats were a popular fashion choice in Europe from about 1550 to 1850 and the desire to supply this resource drove Europeans to travel across the Atlantic Ocean to this inhospitable land to harvest the bounty.

Hunting was so intense that this animal became wiped out in many regions. Today the beaver is thriving, and in some areas is considered a nuisance.

Scientific Name: Castor canadensis. It’s rumoured that castor oil comes from squeezing beavers.

Lifespan: Up to 12 years in its natural-form, or, potentially, centuries with proper care in hat-form.

Preferred Habitat: Common in forested areas but found in non-forest regions as well. Enjoys living near waterways due to the recreation possibilities such as canoeing, rafting and water-gun fights.

Dietary Habits: Most people think that beavers are herbivores and eat only plants and the inner bark of trees. Beavers are actually fast food junkies and prefer sodium-based foods.

Behaviour: Beavers are nocturnal, which means they prefer the night life. If there’s a party in the neighbourhood the beavers are sure to be there. Beavers are master builders and create dams, mud mounds for marking their territory, and Vegas casinos.

The beaver may seem cumbersome and slow, on land, but put those bad-boys in water and watch them go.

(Beavers are fastidious dam builders. Their blueprints are immaculate.)