Canadian Politics: Choice For Next Prime Minister Obvious.

Aren’t coincidences amazing?

Yesterday’s post introduced to us the Cirellean Party’s leader, the elusive Nathan Humboldt.  Humboldt is a mysterious figure, preferring to run things from the background rather than become the face and profile of his political party.

Yesterday’s post also introduced us to the Dog In Underwear:

From the responses to yesterdays post, it is obvious that the Dog In Underwear is an inspirational character.  I decided to dig a little deeper into the background of the Dog In Underwear and, in a coincidence that boggles the mind, I discovered that the dogs name is…

…Nathan Humboldt!

Unbelievable.

Apparently, unknown even to myself, the Dog In Underwear is actually the leader of the Cirellean Party!  These are exciting times, indeed.

And to think that America is proud that they have a black-man running for President.  Pffff.  Hey, America, get back to us when you have a dog running for President.  Until then you’re just a bunch of pussies.

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Canadian Elections: It’s On!

As I’m sure all Canadian readers know, a federal election has been called. For non-Canadians: Yes, Canada has its own, independent government body separate from that of the United States.  We hold our own elections -  Go Us!

The Conservatives and the NDP both appear to be off to a strong start, whereas the Liberals are struggling under the weight of promoting Stephane Dion as a potential leader.  The Green party is continuing to build its profile and exposure, while facing some early controversy over their leaders perception of the intelligence of Canadian voters.

One lesser known party, which is quickly becoming the ‘house’ party of Canadian Fermentation, is still struggling to make an impact on the national stage.  The Cirellians claim, though, that they are ready to lead this country into the next stage of its and humanities evolution.

(This dog would vote Cirellean.  Why not you?)

“I was happy to hear about the election call,” reports Cirellean leader, Nathan Humboldt.  “It’s about frick’n time.  Paul Harper’s government has been steering this country in a non-space exploration way for way too long.”

When told that the Prime Minister’s name is actually Steven Harper, Mr. Humboldt just shrugged his shoulders.  “That just proves how little he has resonated with the Canadian public.  The problem is he has no space oriented platform.  How can you run a country without building its space program?  It’s just stupid.”

When asked what his favourite blog was, Humboldt replied, “Canadian Fermentation, of course.  It’s the only source that actually gives us any print.  I can’t believe how the mainstream media has ignored our campaign.  It’s almost as if we don’t actually exist.”

The Cirellean party plans to hold a fund-raising event at the UFO platform in St. Paul, Alberta as the kick off to their election campaign.  Canadian Fermentation has been invited to attend, and will report back all information to readers desperate for information on this political party.  Stay tuned, Dear Reader, and keep your fingers crossed and maintain good thoughts towards our friends in the Cirellean Party as they make their run at Canadian political destiny.

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Canadian Nature: Wendigo, the Misunderstood Cannibal.

Stalking Canadian forests is a creature so terrifying that it takes at least five names to define it.  Alternately known as Windego, Wendigo, Wetiko, Windago, Windikouk, amongst other names, the creature roams the countryside seeking juicy, human flesh in an attempt to satiate it’s never ending hunger. Growing larger with each feeding, it has to search further and further afield, devouring everything in its path.  When will the carnage end?  When will the creature die?

Kinda sounds like land developers.

But it’s not!  It is a creature of such mythic proportions that it is actually three separate, and yet strangely linked, myths all falling under the name Wendigo.  Or Windigo.  Or Wetiko.  And so on…

I’m guessing you are probably thinking something like, “This creature sounds insane!  Quick, let’s lock it up somewhere so that it won’t hurt us anymore!  Are you sure you’re not talking about land developers?”

Although land developers and Wendigoes share many similar traits, they are, indeed, different creatures, albeit equally dangerous.

Let’s take a look at the three faces of the Wendigoes:

1.  The first form that the creature can take is that of a spirit searching for a human host to inhabit.  It searches for humans who are starving to such an extent that they are considering cannibalism.  The creature inhabits the human host, and then proceeds to carve out a swath of devastation and destruction across the land as it searches for human flesh to devour, much like land developers.

People inhabited by wendigo spirits change physically. Some believe that for every human that the wendigo consumes it adds that mass to it’s being, thus even though it feeds, it grows in proportion to the food that it consumed, so that it is never able to satisfy its hunger.  Wendigoes are said to be sallow in complexion and very thin, with terrifyingly distorted features.  I tried to look for a spirit Wendigo picture, but this was the best I could find:

Pretty scary, eh?  Here is a less scary, illustrated version:

(Picture from the Tallpoppy Studio Web Site.)

2.  The second form is that of a tall, furry creature, much like a sasquatch, except unlike the Sasquatch, it tends to be violent in nature.  These creatures are covered in white fur with large claws and sharp teeth.    Wendigoes may look something like this:

(Much like Wendigoes, cats are furry and enjoy devouring human flesh in an attempt to satiate their never ending hunger.  Photo from the Pictures of Cats blog.)

3.  The third form of Wendigo is a type of human psychosis. People retain their human form, but become violent while exhibiting anti-social behaviour and craving human flesh.  Once again, very similar to the behaviour of land developers.

Wendigoes typically haunt hunters and back-woods hikers.  The main trick to avoiding Wendigoes while travelling through the Canadian wilderness is to take a lot of food with you so that you will not have to face starvation.  It is also a good idea to travel with a companion so that if a Wendigo spirit inhabits you, you have an easily accessible source of food.

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