This Reminds Me of Some of My Coaches…

This was too funny to pass up.  Found on the Raincoaster blog.

Canadian Music: The Most Dangerous Song in History

(Don’t listen to this song!!! Seriously, you’ll regret it)

This is a follow up to my 10 minute challenge on Canadian Bands. How could I forget Spirit of the West (SOTW)?

SOTW was around during the 80’s and 90’s. In the early 90’s they released the most seditious song ever recorded: Home For A Rest.

What makes this song so dangerous? The combination of music and lyrics makes it impossible not to drink a beer and stomp around your house, or bar, or workplace – wherever you are – while listening to this song, whatever the time of day. It’s 7:00 a.m. right now and I’m already drinking.

This song is pure trouble. I was in University when it came out. That meant a lot of drinking and stomping about, much to the chagrin of neighbours – my own and my friends.

So, don’t listen to it, people. For your own good.

*I know you are probably thinking something like, “Well, retard, why did you link to the video if you don’t want us to listen to the song?’ Good question. The only answer I can give is that, as mentioned above, I’ve already been drinking beer, and so my critical reasoning function is compromised. That’s my excuse.*

*You might also be thinking something like, “Hey, retard, are you really drinking a beer at 7 o’clock in the morning? ” The honest answer is, no, but I’ve been thinking real hard about drinking a beer. Sometimes thinking about things real hard makes it kinda feel like it’s actually happening. Not that there is anything wrong with having a beer in the morning. I’ve done it before. Well, not for a long time, but, yeah, sometimes you wake up and think “Damn, I really want a beer right now,” and so you open your fridge and get one.  It happens, just like feces and American Idol tours.*

Canadian Music: The Ten-Minute Challenge

I decided to challenge myself, and see how many Canadian bands/musicians I can name in 10 minutes. Here are the results:

Sloan

Stompin’ Tom Conners

Ann Murray

Blue Rodeo

Skinny Puppy

Front Line Assembly

Ginger

Tokyo Police Club

Wolf Parade

Super Grass

New Pornographers

Arcade Fire

Northern Pikes

Neil Diamond

Avril Lavigne

Grapes of Wrath

Pluto

Thirteen Engines

Treble Charger

Parachute Club

Aids Wolf

Spoons

Teenage Head

Chiliwack

Brian Adams

Triumph

Rush

April Wine

BTO

National Velvet

Cowboy Junkies

Pursuit of Happiness

The Constantines

Fucked Up

Shania Twain

Platinum Blonde

Men Without Hats

Glass Tiger

Saga

Heart

Neil Young

Honeymoon Suite

Sara Mclaughlin

54 40

Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Planet

Barenaked Ladies

Corey Hart

Gowan

Mitsu

I Mother Earth

Pure

Glenn Gould
Hot Hot Heat

That was probably a little longer than 10 minutes.  It’s easy to get carried away

What bands/musicians are missing?

Are any of the above incorrect?

Feel free to post additions or corrections in the comments.

Canadian Political: I Voted, Have You?

I’m glad to report that I have voted. It looks good for the Ranger: 156113 for Live, 78936 for Die.

Now, I don’t want to ever hear anyone complain that we at Canadian Fermentation never discuss politics! It’s obvious I’m a concerned citizen, and I take the time to vote. Go Ranger!

Canadian Iconography: Hockey Edition

In celebration commiseration over Canada’s silver medal finish at the recent World Championship – they lost to Russia – I decided to take another look at Canadian symbols. This time we will explore iconography associated with Canada’s favorite sport: Tiddly winks. Hahaha *wipes tear from eye*, no, no, I jest. Hockey, of course.

The Puck: The hockey puck is Canada’s greatest contribution to the world. OK, I’m not entirely sure that the puck was even invented in Canada, put can you imagine any other nation coming up with such a thing? Not only can the puck be used for sports, but it can also be used as a coaster to put your beer on while you watch a game of hockey on T.V..

The Stick: There’s an old saying in Canada that the bigger your stick, the more likely it is that you will score. Scoring is, of course, the ultimate goal of playing hockey, so it’s a good thing to have a big stick.

The Missing Tooth: There’s another old saying in Canada that men with missing teeth are very sexy. If this is true, Canadian men are some of the sexiest in the world.

The Sweater:

Beer + Canadian = Canada

Interesting article at the FissyPit blog.

It’s long, but worth a read. It discusses how beer company commercials have captured the essence of what it means to be Canadian.

Canadian Industry: Introducing Ontario’s Apples

You may be familiar with the saying, “An apple a day keeps the prostitutes away.” This is a good saying because prostitutes are often carriers of disease, and if you happen to catch a disease from a prostitute you might end up having to go see a doctor to get some medicine.

I guess the saying could go, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away because you didn’t catch syphilis from a prostitute” but it just doesn’t have the ‘zing’ that the original saying does.

Ontario is apple country. Because of this you might think that there are no prostitutes in Ontario, but in actual fact there are many prostitutes in this province. I guess you can’t really trust folksy sayings for accuracy all the time.

Ontario apples come in many flavours and styles, and the province is truly an apple lover’s delight. Below I introduce you to some of my favorite Ontario apples. You might want to eat an apple while you read this post because then it will feel like you are actually living inside of the internet, with apple juice tickling your taste buds and running down your chin. It’s like revisiting the 60’s and finding out they had the internet.

Unless otherwise stated, all apple pictures are from the Ontario Apple Growers website.

Northern Spy: Available from October to May, this apple is a favorite for use in pies containing apple. Although the name conjures up images of stealth and sabotage, the Northern Spy is actually quite peaceful and non-partisan. In fact, during the infamous Apple Wars of the 1930’s, the Northern Spy maintained its neutrality and did not become involved in assisting either side in the conflict.

Empire: This ominous sounding apple is available from October through July. It has been known to be ‘slightly tart’ and ‘juicy’ at times, but for the most part is pretty amiable. You don’t find Empires around too much any more, as they have become mostly unacceptable in modern times. American politicians still seem to enjoy them, though, although they call them by a different name.

McIntosh: The McIntosh was first coded in the 1800’s to be the perfect apple. Unfortunately computers didn’t exist in the 1800’s so all that code went to waste. Luckily scientists found an alternate use for the McIntosh when they discovered that it was edible. Since then the McIntosh has been a favorite sauce and pie apple.

(photo from Webster’s Online Dictionary)

Road Apples: You might think that Road Apples look disgusting. That’s because they are. I don’t recommend eating Road Apples unless you are trying to impress a girl (or a boy) and eat one on a dare, or maybe if you’re a dog. I don’t recommend baking Road Apples in a pie, or turning them into sauce. You probably shouldn’t step on them either, because then people will start complaining that they smell Road Apples and whine about how disgusting it is.

Spartan: The Spartan is a medium sized apple that is good to eat straight from the tree. In fact, Spartans are best when kept away from kitchens. If you do take them into your kitchen I recommend keeping them sealed in a dark container that blocks out the opulence of the modern kitchen. The flagrant extravagance of todays kitchens can upset the Spartans and cause them to declare war on you. They will then set up a defensive position in the narrowest part of your house. Once this happens it is almost impossible to dislodge them.