Canadian Intergalactic: U.F.O’s Obviously Exist.

July 9, 2008 at 11:37 pm 7 comments

I have proof that U.F.O’s do exist. It’s so obvious that I’m surprised no one else has ever realized it. I must be a genius.

Most people think that everything between the Pacific, Atlantic, and Arctic Oceans, and the American borders is Canadian territory. This actually is not true. Within the boundaries of Canada is a plot of Intergalactic Territory that is available for use by both Earthlings, and Non-Earthlings alike. This territory is located in the town of St. Paul, Alberta.

At this location is a U.F.O landing pad built specifically for intergalactic travelers…and hookers.

(There is a convenient gift shop next to the landing pad, just in case the aliens want to buy some souvenirs. Photo from How Stuff Works.)

I can tell, dear reader, that you’re probably thinking something like, “Hookers??? Why do you keep going on about hookers, for Christ sakes? Every post it’s ‘hookers this’, and ‘hookers that’ with you. Give it a rest!”

OK, OK, calm down. I like to insert hooker references into my posts because I think the word ‘hookers’ is funny. It makes me laugh. Personally, I think the plight of hookers is a horrible, horrible thing. What kind of society forces women to use their bodies as a commodity? Well, every society, actually, but that’s besides the point.

“OK, fair enough,” is what you might say next. “But what do hookers have to do with the U.F.O landing pad in St. Paul, Alberta?”

Well, dear reader, I’m making the assumption that this would be a great place for hookers to set up shop. Think about it. After traveling millions of light-years across the galaxy, what’s the first thing that those male aliens are going to want when they make a pit stop in St. Paul? A bag of licorice? No, they’re going to want hookers.

Anyway, enough about hookers…

…for now…

…let’s get back to the U.F.O landing pad.

(Why am I obsessed with hookers, and what is it I do when thinking about hookers? Good questions. Soon all shall be revealed. Picture from I Can Has Cheesburger.)

The town of St. Paul wanted to make a big splash for the 1967 Canadian Centennial. Since resources on the net referencing events that led to the creation of the landing pad are difficult to find, I had to use common sense and assumptions to come up with the following history.

What I think happened is that the town of St. Paul was having some trouble attracting visitors in the early part of the 1960’s. With the Canadian Centennial coming up the townspeople got together to try to figure out some way they could take advantage of the celebrations to create a stir and bring more tourists to the bustling city of under 4000 inhabitants. What should they do?

Suddenly the reclusive, and often drunk, Phil, stepped forward, waving his hands in the air and eager to share his idea with the other townsfolk. “We should bring a truck load of hookers into town…”

Alright, I’m sorry about that. You’re right. I’m getting carried away with the hooker references. Let’s start over.

Suddenly the reclusive, and often drunk, Phil, stepped forward, waiving his hands in the air and eager to share his idea with the other townsfolk. “Wefa bulda forma spocaephff”

“What?” Was everyones reply. After several more attempts one of the other townspeople was finally able to translate what Phil was going on about. “I think he’s saying that we should build a platform for U.F.O’s,” reported Suzy Busybody, continuing to be up in everybody’s face.

The mayor of St. Paul, who had just returned to town from the local asylum, thought that this was a great idea, and so the platform was built and proclaimed as international space under the protection of the Canadian government.

So, dear reader, you now see that U.F.O’s obviously exist. Why else would the fine townspeople of St. Paul, Alberta go to all that trouble to erect a U.F.O landing pad? If aliens don’t exist, than this just doesn’t make sense!

…and hookers.

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Entry filed under: canadian, Cats, Conspiracy, culture, history, humour, international, provincial issues. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

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7 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Sun Warrior  |  July 10, 2008 at 11:03 am

    I think it’s a conspiracy.

    Outlaw hookers, and people don’t think aliens exist.

    Make hookers legal, and people’s minds wander to intergalactic travelers, and they don’t keep their minds on commerce.

    The genius of our organizers!

    Reply
  • 2. Sun Warrior  |  July 10, 2008 at 11:07 am

    I mean, there has to be something sexy about business, taboo, mysterious… so hookers and pot fit the bill, and all legal trade feels sexy by association, and dangerous!

    But then, with the economy slowing down, we need to create new markets, especially since the Chinese are taking over all the conventional ones.

    Aliens fit the bill, and who doesn’t want to be at the cusp of the curve… those Albertans, dinosaur oil and aliens… always thinking ahead…

    Reply
  • 3. C. Fraser  |  July 10, 2008 at 12:54 pm

    Ah, S.W. I respect your wisdom! Albertans are obviously at the forefront of the new surge to attract Alien business to Canada. Crafty…

    Reply
  • 4. Sun Warrior  |  July 10, 2008 at 3:09 pm

    ROTFLMAO!

    Reply
  • […] missive on current political trends in Canada. Sure, it may seem like I’m writing about aliens and Ogopogo, or talking about poopy and hookers, but in reality each post is a sly and subtle jab […]

    Reply
  • 6. Arrondombbof  |  August 2, 2008 at 10:21 pm

    Thanks !

    Reply
  • 7. Canadian Prime Ministers « Canadian Fermentation  |  January 14, 2009 at 4:40 pm

    […] Created world’s first race-free immigration system, leading to the establishment of a UFO landing dock at St. Paul, Alberta. […]

    Reply

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