Canadian Elections: Dog In Underpants Miffed at Debate Snub

With only fourteen days left until the federal election Canada’s political parties are starting to rev their election machines into high-gear.  That is, all parties except for one, the Cirelleans.

Unfortunately their leader, Nathan Humbolt – also known as Dog In Underpants – isn’t able to drive, and therefor cannot rev anything.  This hasn’t detered the fearless leader, though, and he has been putting paw to pavement in an attempt to entice hesitant voters to consider his mostly unknown party.

(Politics is a difficult game…even more so if you have four legs and enjoy rubbing your butt on carpet.)

“When you have a space and de-worming oriented platform it can be difficult to entice some of the lesser intelligent voters to give you their vote.  Smart voters see the value in voting Cirellean.”  Dog In Underpants then proceeded to lick his nards for 30 minutes.

When asked if he thought the fact that he was a dog was hurting his parties chances, he replyed that he thought that it was possible.  “Canadian voters are idiots.  All they care about is stuff like the economy and infrastructure.  Don’t they realize that if we were to base ninety-percent of the Canadian economy on space exploration that we could generate huge amounts of profit from other nations?  We will be the envy of the entire world,” Nathan exclaimed.

“Space exploration will engage a huge portion of the Canadian citizenry in quality employment.  With my economic package we will eliminate unemployment by the year 2016, which is great considering I’ll be twenty-years old by then, and probably dead.”

Dog In Underpants is also upset by the fact that he will not be allowed to attend the upcomming debates.  “It’s unbelieveable.  They let that lady in, I don’t even know what party she represents, but they won’t let me debate?  What’s with that?  I think its speciest, that’s what.  It’s because I’m a dog.  That’s the only reason.  Well, that and the fact that officials are worried that I’ll mark all the podiums with my urine.”

(Remember to vote Cirellean on October 14.)

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What Happened?

Wow, it’s been over a week since I last posted.  Taking a break, though, was pretty nice.  Mostly, the break was more a fact that I just couldn’t come up with anything to post about, rather than a “Hey, I”m going to take a week off and not post anything” type of event.  I’d call it writers block, but in actuality it was more like the well was empty, rather than ‘something’ being in the way.  After having gone away for the weekend, though, I do feel a little more refreshed and have some creativity starting to fester in my cerebellum…or where ever it is that creativity stems from.

I have a few ideas brewing, so now all it takes is some time.  It may seem like I have time right now, since I’m writing this load of crap, but in reality I’m actually strapped for time.  This post is, let’s face it, not exactly the most difficult thing to produce.  I’m hoping to get something different posted either later tonight, or tommorow.  Even if it’s an even smellier piece of poopy.

I miss reading blogs, too, which, for the most part, I avoided last week as well.  I figured that if I wasn’t able to post anything then why should I give myself the pleasure of reading other peoples stuff?  Yeah, that’s it.

Anyway, think good thoughts for Dog In Underpants.  His campaign with the Cirellean party isn’t going as well as he had hoped…

Canadian Thoughts: I Don’t Get It…

When I read blogs, I tend to read humour-blogs.  Often I’ll read a whole bunch of blogs in a single sitting.   I admire the posts that make me laugh, and then try to figure out how to steal the material.  I shake my head at humour-blogs that I really don’t think are funny at all, and yet have fifty-two million replies to every post, each one exclaiming what a  brilliant and insightful writer the blog owner is.

Then I’ll check out a random link to a new blog, hoping that it is funny so that I can add it to the roster of sites that I regularly read.  Instead I’ll find myself floundering.  Even the humour-blogs that I don’t find funny I can at least tell that they are meant to be a humour-blog.  But this new blog is something else.  Where’s the humour?  Why is this supposed to be funny?

That’s when I’ll realize that the blog isn’t meant to be funny at all.  It’s a different type of blog.  One of those non-humour-blog blogs.  You may have heard of them?   I have become so wrapped up in reading humour, that it is difficult for me to make the leap to a different type of writing.

That’s when I know it is time to take a break.

Canadian Fermentation: Update

Removed some links to blogs that are now defunct, and added some new blogs that I’ve been reading lately.  To those people who run the blogs I’ve added, I appologize.  Chances are that within two months you will stop blogging.  I have an uncanny knack for adding blogs to my blogroll that, no matter how many years they had previously been operating, soon decide that they don’t want to blog anymore.  There are a couple of links that I’m keeping on the blogroll that haven’t updated in a while, but I’m hoping that the people will continue to post eventually. *fingers crossed*.

Still, I don’t add blogs very often or very randomly.  It really means I enjoy your writing.

Canadian Nature: Polar Bears and Me

Polar bears fascinate and scare me.  Mostly scare.  The largest carnivorous land animal, polar bears have a reputation of being viscous and aggressive.  This, of course, has been contradicted by several occurrences, including this one:

The above is contradicted by this series of photos found here.

Here’s a poem I wrote explaining why you should avoid polar bears:

Polar bear, polar bear

Please don’t eat my skin

I”m ugly enough already

Without you chewing on my face

Polar bear you scare me

With your fangs and beady eyes

And your big, massive paws

And blood stained maw

I do like your fur though

It is warm and soft

It will be the last thing I see

Before you beat me senseless

And rip out my throat

Luckily I live many hundreds of miles south of where polar bears hang out, otherwise I’d be changing my pants three time a day.

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Canadian Politics: Choice For Next Prime Minister Obvious.

Aren’t coincidences amazing?

Yesterday’s post introduced to us the Cirellean Party’s leader, the elusive Nathan Humboldt.  Humboldt is a mysterious figure, preferring to run things from the background rather than become the face and profile of his political party.

Yesterday’s post also introduced us to the Dog In Underwear:

From the responses to yesterdays post, it is obvious that the Dog In Underwear is an inspirational character.  I decided to dig a little deeper into the background of the Dog In Underwear and, in a coincidence that boggles the mind, I discovered that the dogs name is…

…Nathan Humboldt!

Unbelievable.

Apparently, unknown even to myself, the Dog In Underwear is actually the leader of the Cirellean Party!  These are exciting times, indeed.

And to think that America is proud that they have a black-man running for President.  Pffff.  Hey, America, get back to us when you have a dog running for President.  Until then you’re just a bunch of pussies.

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Canadian Elections: It’s On!

As I’m sure all Canadian readers know, a federal election has been called. For non-Canadians: Yes, Canada has its own, independent government body separate from that of the United States.  We hold our own elections –  Go Us!

The Conservatives and the NDP both appear to be off to a strong start, whereas the Liberals are struggling under the weight of promoting Stephane Dion as a potential leader.  The Green party is continuing to build its profile and exposure, while facing some early controversy over their leaders perception of the intelligence of Canadian voters.

One lesser known party, which is quickly becoming the ‘house’ party of Canadian Fermentation, is still struggling to make an impact on the national stage.  The Cirellians claim, though, that they are ready to lead this country into the next stage of its and humanities evolution.

(This dog would vote Cirellean.  Why not you?)

“I was happy to hear about the election call,” reports Cirellean leader, Nathan Humboldt.  “It’s about frick’n time.  Paul Harper’s government has been steering this country in a non-space exploration way for way too long.”

When told that the Prime Minister’s name is actually Steven Harper, Mr. Humboldt just shrugged his shoulders.  “That just proves how little he has resonated with the Canadian public.  The problem is he has no space oriented platform.  How can you run a country without building its space program?  It’s just stupid.”

When asked what his favourite blog was, Humboldt replied, “Canadian Fermentation, of course.  It’s the only source that actually gives us any print.  I can’t believe how the mainstream media has ignored our campaign.  It’s almost as if we don’t actually exist.”

The Cirellean party plans to hold a fund-raising event at the UFO platform in St. Paul, Alberta as the kick off to their election campaign.  Canadian Fermentation has been invited to attend, and will report back all information to readers desperate for information on this political party.  Stay tuned, Dear Reader, and keep your fingers crossed and maintain good thoughts towards our friends in the Cirellean Party as they make their run at Canadian political destiny.

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