Canadian Elections: Canada Vs. America
Tonight – October 2, 2008 – is an historical night without compare. Well, I really don’t know if it is “without compare” as I just wrote. Mainly I thought that sounded quite good and really dramatic. This night may, indeed, have compare, but that would require research and looking things up. We all know that’s not going to happen. So, unless you can prove me wrong, tonight is, indeed, an historical night without compare.
You see, in a brilliant move Elections Canada has decided to schedule the first english-speaking debate for major party leaders tonight at the same time that the Vice-presidential debate is taking place south of the border. This brings up the question that, as a Canadian, which debate should I watch?
It’s a tough choice, Dear Reader, and the answer can only be found by some serious soul searching. That or by placing two T.V’s side by side.
In an absolutely historically brilliant move beyond compare I have decided to take a look at the two debates and break them down for you, Dear Reader, in hopes that I may give you some assistance in your choice of which debate to watch.
Canadian Debate Facts: Tonight the leaders of Canada’s five main political parties will be debating in English. Last night the french-language debate took place, but nobody cared. Well, except maybe for some people in Quebec. But they’re not really people anyway, right? Common, who’s with me on this? See, I don’t get any readers from Quebec anyway, so why should I care about slagging them off? Damn Frenchies.
Na, I’m just kidding. I love the Quebecois.
Tonight’s debate will tackle all of the serious issues;
- What verbal gaffes will Stephane Dion make and for how many days will it get play in the media?
- How did Elizabeth May manage to squeek into the boy’s club, and will she reveal that her penis is bigger than any of the other leaders’?
- At what point in the debate will Jack Layton rip off his moustache and throw it like a ninja-star at Steven Harper?
- Will it be revealed that Steven Harper is actually a stick dressed up in a suit…or was that a suit worn by a stick…no, that’s right, the question is will he reveal how big the stick up his ass actually is?
- And then there’s the french guy that no one outside of Quebec cares about, which is OK, because he doesn’t care about anyone who lives outside of Quebec, so the feeling is mutual.
(NDP leader, Jack Layton, is best known for his legendary ninja skills.)
U.S. Debate Facts: This one is the only debate between the presidential running mates, Joe Biden for the Democrats, and Sarah Pallin for the Rupublicans. Usually no one cares much about the VP debate, but this year is different because everyone, including Canadians, want to see if, and how badly, Palin will screw up. Has everyone bought their Pallin To English dictionaries yet? After a brilliant start the fancy wrappings in which McCains choice for running mate was wrapped have been discovered to be lead-based paper from China. Biden has suffered from his own gaffes but, let’s face it, they pale in comparison to the dithered golemn that parades around giving hockey moms everywhere a bad name.
(Sarah Palin may be smiling in this picture, but tonight she actually has to speak…and answer questions…and pretend she’s human.)
Tonight’s VP debate is less about the subject, and more about Reality TV come full circle. The main question to be answered: Can Sarah Palin rebound and represent herself as a credible Vice Presidential candidate. If she flubs as baddly as she has the past week or so, I say game over. Call the election now, because how can anyone with a conscience vote for an ancient Presidential candidate with a moronic running mate. On the other hand if Bidne comes out hard and gives her a couple of back-hands, and Pallin stands up tall and shows the world why she was elected governor of Alaska, then It’s On!!
There you have it, Dear Reader. I hope that helps. As for me, I’m still undecided. I want to watch the Canadian debate because as an undecided voter (except, of course, for the fact that I will be voting Cirellean, as you should too), I want to embrace the chance to get to know the leaders a little more and to witness what they have to say. On the other hand, the U.S. debate is likely to be vastly more entertaining.
Good luck, readers. Choose wisely.
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Entry filed under: canadian, Canadian/American relations, discussion, humour, international, opinion, politics, Uncategorized. Tags: american debate, Canada, canadian, canadian debate, canadian election, canadian politics, debates, funny, humor, humour, jack layton, ninja skills, political commentary, sara palin, satire.