International Amoeba Battles: U.S.A Vs. China

November 21, 2008 at 7:23 pm 8 comments

Welcome back to International Amoeba Battles, formerly known as International Nature Battles.  The last match showed that Canadian and Australian Amoebas are able to put aside their differences and join forces to destroy and humiliate the innocent.  It was a good fight.

Today’s fight will have to be spectacular to match the excitement of the last battle.  Unfortunately it looks like a potential snoozer, as we have the experienced and deadly American Amoeba taking on Chinese Amoeba.  This is Chinese Amoeba’s first International Amoeba Battle appearance: a tough draw for a newcomer.

Chinese Amoeba has been training hard, though, and is expected to have a few surprises stored away in vacuoles.

Let’s get to the action!


On the left in the blue trunks, is American Amoeba.  On the right is a new comer to International Amoeba Battles, Chinese Amoeba.  Chinese Amoeba is wearing red trunks.  That is me in the bottom corner.  Once again I will be the referee.  For this battle I brought my hoes.  I thought they might enjoy the contest.

ab2It is a quick start to the battle, with American Amoeba attempting a classic surround and isolate strategy.  A good move against an inexperienced opponent!  This should be a quick match.

ab3Whoops.  Looks like American Amoeba over-extended and was not able to close the trap.  Chinese Amoeba manages to escape.

ab4Oh my!  This could be bad.  American Amoeba appears worn out by his failed surround and isolate maneuver.  Let’s see how Chinese Amoeba takes advantage of this situation.

ab5Interesting!  It looks like Chinese Amoeba is respecting the power of American Amoeba.  Chinese Amoeba is offering to loan American Amoeba  money so that American Amoeba can buy nutritious supplements to regain energy and continue the battle.  This is a classy move by Chinese Amoeba!


Now Chinese Amoeba is offering to sell American Amoeba some nutritious supplements, in exchange for the money previously loaned.  What a sportsamoeba!  Apparently the box also contains toys and other sundries to keep American Amoeba amused while recovering.  Chinese Amoeba claims that none of it is unnecessary crap. Chinese Amoeba also promises to sell it to American Amoeba for a better price than American Amoeba would be able to find from American made nutritional supplements.  American Amoeba agrees to the deal.

ab7Chinese Amoeba respectfully retreats to the corner while American Amoeba ingests the supplements and waits for them to take affect.

ab8Hmmmm…something doesn’t seem quite right.  It appears that the supplements are starting to expand out of control inside American Amoeba.

ab9Oh, crap!  It looks like the nutritious supplements are still expanding.  They are expanding so much that American Amoeba is starting to break up.  Is Chinese Amoeba flipping American Amoeba the bird?  That’s not very nice.

ab10What an upset!  Unbelievable.  Chinese Amoeba has defeated American Amoeba from the inside.  Chinese Amoeba celebrates victory by raising a couple of pseudopods into the air, before proceeding to injest the remnants of American Amoeba.  Gross.


Entry filed under: amoeba, humour, international, sports, Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

Just When I Thought I Was Safe Ha Ha Ha – Canadian Politics

8 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Mark  |  November 21, 2008 at 7:47 pm


  • 2. raincoaster  |  November 21, 2008 at 9:25 pm

    I remember the coverage of this on CNN. It had obviously been heavily edited to leave out the details. Congrats on speaking out!

  • 3. Ahmnodt Heare  |  November 21, 2008 at 10:38 pm

    I demand a recount!

  • 4. C. Fraser  |  November 21, 2008 at 11:09 pm

    Mark: Thanks! Appreciate the compliment.

    R.C.: The truth must be revealed! Preferably in Amoeba form.

    A.H: The hoe’s say no.

  • 5. Alex L.  |  November 22, 2008 at 3:59 am

    And we dont argue with the hoes do we

  • 6. C. Fraser  |  November 25, 2008 at 3:11 am

    So true, Alex. The hoes have all the power. On a pedestal, man, on a pedestal.

  • 7. Ahmnodt Heare  |  November 27, 2008 at 3:43 am

    The hose nose,,, I mean the hoes know.

  • […] am not allowed in Canada because I was unhappy with the results of the International Ameoba Battles and I was more vocal than the Sport Canada cared to hear.  My suggesting that the Chinese ameboa […]


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