Top 10 Tips on Creating Lists of Tips

Creating top-ten lists is the meat and potatoes of internet posting.  Although I do enjoy reading them, I think making a top-ten list is lazy authourship.  That having been said, I would like to return to Canadian Fermentation by introducing for your education, Dear Reader, my Top 10 Tips on Creating Lists of Tips.

Although it may seems like there are contradictions in my list, there are, in fact,  none.  It’s a perfect top-ten list.  I hope you enjoy it and are able to take something educational away with you from the experience.

1.  Creativity and entertainment are more important than applicability, facts or actual usability.  Go crazy!

2.  Interesting visuals are nice, particularly if they include a hottie (male or female depending on your target readers), or a picture of a cat doing something crazy.  The pictures should, even if loosely, be related to the topic or tip.

The best visuals are a combination of hot babes and cats.

3. Originality is overrated.  Focus on topics that people are familiar with.  People don’t want to learn something new, rather they want their beliefs confirmed.

4.  Keep entries short.  A long entry just provides more material for other people to prove you wrong.

5.  Try to refer to at least one “expert” in your list.   Jane Spilousia, Lead Tip Master with the Tip Institute of Toronto says, “Experts give your tips acumen and authority. If in doubt, find an expert to make your tip pertinent.”

6. Don’t share personal anecdotes, and beware of using your personal experiences as proof.  Trust me   – I tried this on my last Top 10 list and it didn’t work.

7.  Borrow from historical sources.  If you become stuck for tips to share just remember that the internet is your playground.  Ignore what others have told you; there is no such thing as plagarism on the internet.

8. Maintain your authority.  If you receive critical responses to your list, either delete the responses or chastize and humiliate the person who criticized you (preferably using an alias).  This will show other readers how masterful and in control you are.

9.  Give yourself a deadline, and stick to it.  Don’t worry about having a concise, accurate list with the absolute “top 10” tips. The important thing is production; get that post on the web where it’s needed!  Be willing to embrace tip #1, rather than strive for total accuracy and relevancy.  By utilizing tip #’s  5 + 8 your list will remain relevant.

10.  Avoid being witty.  Most readers are stupid anyway, and won’t get the joke.  Don’t waste your time on them with your best work when any old junk will do.

Bonus:  Always have a bonus tip.  Why?  No one really knows, it’s just something that all top 10 list makers do.  You don’t want to stand out from the crowd, do you?

Great Canadian Moustaches

Whew.  I’ve just spent an exhaustive five-minutes researching the bounty that is the webernet to bring to you, Dear Reader, a history of Great Canadian Moustaches.

I know!  I’m very excited as well.

Let’s get to it:

Coureur des Bois:

The Coureur des Bois were French fur traders in 17th century North America.  They began to disappear in the early part of the 18th century due to being over trapped for their luxurious moustaches, which brought in great sums of money on the European market.

Sam Steele:

Sam Steele was the most rugged of men, in an era when rugged men were a dime a dozen, which was actually considered expensive back in the late 1800’s.  Steele was one of the original North West Mounted Police, and he could subdue bad guys by a quick moustache upside the head.  Steele is credited with maintaining a high level of peace during the Klondike Gold Rush, mainly due to his no-nonsense attitude, and threat of irritated skin due to moustache rubbing.

Burton Cummings:

As the leader of the Guess Who, Cummings and his moustache took the music industry by storm with the song, American Woman.  Even Americans enjoyed the song, proving that they can take a joke.

Lanny McDonald:

Lanny, you may have won a Cup with the Calgary Flames, but you will always be a Maple Leaf to your Toronto fans.  Calgarians never appreciated your moustache as much as we did  in Toronto.  Oh, the things that must have gotten caught in your moustache!  Immaculate.

Wendel Clark:

Where would Leaf fans of the 80’s and early 90’s have been without Wendel Clark?  Drunk in the gutter, I’m sure.

He could score, he could fight, and his body checks were always the most spectacular.  Wendel’s moustache was just icing on an already delicious and hairy cake.

Alex Trebek:

The King of Trivia used to have a different title:  King of Hairy-lipped Men.  Unfortunately he shaved his moustache in 2001, and now he is only the King of Non-moustached Trivia.

Jack Layton:

The only reason Jack Layton is as popular as he is in Canada is due to his moustache.  It is a well known fact that he made it to the top of the NDP by throwing his moustache shurikin style at his opponents.  Eventually no one wanted to debate him, and thus he was elected leader of his party.  True story.

McTowelie:

*cough*

Canadian Amoeba:

It is universally acknowledged that Canadian Amoeba has the greatest Amoeba-based moustache in the history of Amoeba moustaches.  And, yes, he does wax it.