Great Canadian Moustaches

Whew.  I’ve just spent an exhaustive five-minutes researching the bounty that is the webernet to bring to you, Dear Reader, a history of Great Canadian Moustaches.

I know!  I’m very excited as well.

Let’s get to it:

Coureur des Bois:

The Coureur des Bois were French fur traders in 17th century North America.  They began to disappear in the early part of the 18th century due to being over trapped for their luxurious moustaches, which brought in great sums of money on the European market.

Sam Steele:

Sam Steele was the most rugged of men, in an era when rugged men were a dime a dozen, which was actually considered expensive back in the late 1800’s.  Steele was one of the original North West Mounted Police, and he could subdue bad guys by a quick moustache upside the head.  Steele is credited with maintaining a high level of peace during the Klondike Gold Rush, mainly due to his no-nonsense attitude, and threat of irritated skin due to moustache rubbing.

Burton Cummings:

As the leader of the Guess Who, Cummings and his moustache took the music industry by storm with the song, American Woman.  Even Americans enjoyed the song, proving that they can take a joke.

Lanny McDonald:

Lanny, you may have won a Cup with the Calgary Flames, but you will always be a Maple Leaf to your Toronto fans.  Calgarians never appreciated your moustache as much as we did  in Toronto.  Oh, the things that must have gotten caught in your moustache!  Immaculate.

Wendel Clark:

Where would Leaf fans of the 80’s and early 90’s have been without Wendel Clark?  Drunk in the gutter, I’m sure.

He could score, he could fight, and his body checks were always the most spectacular.  Wendel’s moustache was just icing on an already delicious and hairy cake.

Alex Trebek:

The King of Trivia used to have a different title:  King of Hairy-lipped Men.  Unfortunately he shaved his moustache in 2001, and now he is only the King of Non-moustached Trivia.

Jack Layton:

The only reason Jack Layton is as popular as he is in Canada is due to his moustache.  It is a well known fact that he made it to the top of the NDP by throwing his moustache shurikin style at his opponents.  Eventually no one wanted to debate him, and thus he was elected leader of his party.  True story.

McTowelie:

*cough*

Canadian Amoeba:

It is universally acknowledged that Canadian Amoeba has the greatest Amoeba-based moustache in the history of Amoeba moustaches.  And, yes, he does wax it.

Canadian Conflict: Amoeba Battle

For the second installment of International Nature Battles, Canadian Fermentation has prepared an amazing contest between a couple of the most fearsome creatures that nature has evolved:  Amoebas.

Today, for your viewing pleasure, we have Canadian Amoeba Vs. Australian Amoeba.

Are you shivering with excitement yet? This match should prove to be a contest of strength, cunning and pseudopods.

Let’s get right to the battle:

Canadian Amoeba is in the red trunks on the left side of your screen, while Australian Amoeba is in the green trunks on the right side of your screen.  That is me in the bottom corner.  I’m the referee and will ensure that this contest is fair.

The action starts fast and furious!  Both warriors form pseudopods and try for a quick knock-out blow, hoping to make this a short contest.

Unfortunately, each champion, being an amoeba, is able to absorb the blow without any damage.  The battle remains even.

Oh no!!  What’s this?  Canadian Amoeba has pulled out a hockey stick.  I check the rule book to see if this is legal.  Unfortunately for Australian Amoeba we forgot to write a rule book before the battle.  Looks like the hockey stick is legal.  Tough break for Australian Amoeba.

Ah Ha!  Australian Amoeba is no slouch when it comes to shenanigans.  It appears that Australian Amoeba has brought a boomerang to the fight.  This should be good.

Wait a minute.  Apparently Swedish Amoeba has intervened in the battle and is calling for peace.  What’s going to happen next?

Uh oh.  Looks like Australian Amoeba and Canadian Amoeba have called a truce.  That’s bad news for Swedish Amoeba.

Yep.  Poor Swedish Amoeba.

Canadian Amoeba and Australian Amoeba decide to extend the truce and celebrate their victory.

Wow!  That totally did not turn out the way I thought it would.  Well done, Warrior Amoebas.  Well done.