What I Don’t Like About Canadians

When I lived in the U.S. I would often get into conversations with friends that would go something like this:

 Friend:  “Did you see the new movie *insert name of current movie* yet?”

Me: “No.   But I want to.  It has *insert name of Canadian actor* in it.  I like him/her.  He/she is Canadian, you know.”

I used to do this without even realizing or thinking about it.  I would automatically and joyfully point out to my non-Canadian friends that so-and-so is Canadian.  This isn’t just limited to the acting arts, but covers any topic that can be conversed about.

“You know that business guy who just bilked his company for millions?  Yeah, he’s Canadian.”

“Hey did you watch that show about serial killers last night?  Yeah, that one mean guy who killed everyone and their pets.  He was Canadian.”

“Man, that was some good porno!  You know that actress that let all those guys &#$&#& her and then !#%!@$%  @$%$ with the !@$^%@$% and then @^%^% in the @$^@$^ and afterwards they all @^%@ @^@6 @^@^$ @^@^$@$@^^@$%^ @^@$^^ until they were too tired to do anything else?  Yeah, she’s Canadian.”

Invariably when the conversation streams into an area remotely pertaining to Canada or Canadians we, as a people, are only to happy to point out the Canadianess about the object of discussion.  It could be argued that this is because we are so proud of being Canadian, and there may be a grain of truth to that.

More likely, though, it does come from the Canadian sense of being a secondary citizen due to the proximity of our big-brother, America.   In many ways this habit — the habit of pointing out everything that is Canadian whether or not our audience wants to hear — is very much like the little sibling vying for attention.  “Look at me, I’ve done some cool things too!”

My advice to my fellow Canadians, STOP IT!!!  It’s annoying and sycophantic.  It’s not a sign of pride.  It doesn’t further the cause of being Canadian.

If you are truly proud to be Canadian, then just be Canadian.  Be a citizen of the world.  Stop living through our compatriots who have made a splash on the international scene.  Be proud of them, sure.  Acknowledge what they have done and what they represent, but there’s no need to drape a Canadian flag around their shoulders in order to show off their Canadianess to others.  Real strength is born in silence and not bluster.  Bluster is a front, and a front is to cover up a weakness.

Canadians aren’t weak.  We are strong.  So stop being little children, and grow up and just be.

That’s what I don’t like about Canadians.  Now excuse me, I have to go listen to some Arcade Fire and watch Juno while eating some poutine before I play some hockey with Kiefer Sutherland and discuss how Canadians won WWI at Vimy Ridge before paddling away in my canoe.