Canadian Politics: Fall Election Unavoidable.

August 20, 2008 at 9:52 pm 7 comments

All signs point to a fall election in Canada. Prime Minister Stephen Harper is laying down the last bits of propaganda in preparation for a run at a majority government for his Conservatives. Unfortunately, for him, he doesn’t realize that another Canadian political party is also well prepared for an election, and this group of highly-evolved Canadians could surprise everyone with their advanced platform and really cool matching uniforms.

The Cirelleans — mentioned previously in a Canadian Fermentation post detailing some of Canada’s fringe political parties — are ready to govern. Outside of the inner-party circle, little is known about the Cirelleans, but during a recent media event and get-to-know-us session, they confidently laid out their political goals and explained why Canadians should vote for them during the next election.

(The Cirelleans introduced their new campaign poster at the media event. Cirellean leaders describe it as, “Motivating.”)

The Cirelleans distributed a list of their parties initiatives to attending media. Canadian Fermentation was able to acquire a copy, as seen below:

  • The Cirellean Party only runs candidates who are exemplars of Highly-Evolved Canadians. The other political parties are filled with Morons and they must be stopped. We know you believe us.
  • The Cirellean Party will create a utopia in Canada, which will then spread throughout the rest of the world and on into the galaxy. This will be accomplished by the execution of all Morons, leaving only Highly-Evolved citizens to run the show.
  • The Cirellean Party will adjust the federal budget so that it reflects the initiatives of the people. To this end the budget will be set at 90% towards space exploration, 5% towards the subsidization of beer and other spirits, 4% towards supporting the highly-evolved leaders in a lifestyle to which they are accustomed, and 1% towards hacksaws to be used during the Moron Cleansing.
  • The Cirellean Party will build 54 large space transport systems, by which Highly-Evolved Canadian citizens will be forced allowed to travel to the Ultimar 4 star system, where, it is believed, the progenitors of the Highly-Evolved citizens are located. It is the duty of the Cirellean Party to return these individuals back to the Fold of Enlightenment.
  • The Cirellean Party believes that all beer and other spirits should be subsidized by the government making these substances easily accessible to all citizens for a low, low price.
  • Everyones favourite colour will be puce.
  • It is the responsibility of elected Cirellean officials to determine who is a Moron and who is Highly-Evolved by using various tests. Women will be tested first, in the Cirellean’s private chambers, and men will be tested afterwards…in the Cirellean’s private chambers.
  • Everyone who votes for the Cirelleans will be given ten-million dollars.
  • Anyone who votes for the Cirelleans is obviously a Highly-Evolved individual and should pass the testing with no problem.

After the Cirelleans announcement rumours started to surface that Harper was changing his mind about calling an election. I can’t say I blame him. These guys sound good!

Well, at least better than any other party running…

VOTE CIRELLEAN BY CLICKING THIS LINK…OR ELSE…

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Entry filed under: beer, canadian, Conspiracy, humour, nationalism, politics. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

Canadian Nationalism: How Do We Know Who Is Best? Canadian Thoughts: Theology and Sports.

7 Comments Add your own

  • 1. T  |  August 21, 2008 at 8:27 pm

    will the cirelleans let me live if I vote for the ndp or greens?

    Reply
  • 2. C. Fraser  |  August 21, 2008 at 8:52 pm

    Unfortunately you will still need to be tested. Most Cirelleans consider the NDP and Green parties to be acceptable alternatives to their own party, though.

    Reply
  • 3. dopeypants  |  August 22, 2008 at 5:40 pm

    Can we spend the ten million dollars however we want though?

    I want to buy a monkey and one of those giant tapeworms they have at science centres, put them in a big bottle, and watch them fight.

    Reply
  • 4. C. Fraser  |  August 22, 2008 at 7:47 pm

    Dopeypants: You can probably sell tickets to the fight. Party leaders are into that kind of thing.

    Vote Cirellean…Or Else!!

    Reply
  • 5. Mark  |  August 30, 2008 at 1:21 pm

    Okay, voted. When can I expect my $10 million?

    Reply
  • 6. C. Fraser  |  September 1, 2008 at 12:27 pm

    Unfortunately you need to contact the Cirellean home office, located in the Ultimar 4 star system.

    Reply
  • 7. Canadian Elections: It’s On! « Canadian Fermentation  |  September 16, 2008 at 12:22 am

    […] party of Canadian Fermentation, is still struggling to make an impact on the national stage.  The Cirellians claim, though, that they are ready to lead this country into the next stage of its and humanities […]

    Reply

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