Great Canadian Moustaches

February 21, 2009 at 3:16 pm 11 comments

Whew.  I’ve just spent an exhaustive five-minutes researching the bounty that is the webernet to bring to you, Dear Reader, a history of Great Canadian Moustaches.

I know!  I’m very excited as well.

Let’s get to it:

Coureur des Bois:


The Coureur des Bois were French fur traders in 17th century North America.  They began to disappear in the early part of the 18th century due to being over trapped for their luxurious moustaches, which brought in great sums of money on the European market.

Sam Steele:

samsteelSam Steele was the most rugged of men, in an era when rugged men were a dime a dozen, which was actually considered expensive back in the late 1800’s.  Steele was one of the original North West Mounted Police, and he could subdue bad guys by a quick moustache upside the head.  Steele is credited with maintaining a high level of peace during the Klondike Gold Rush, mainly due to his no-nonsense attitude, and threat of irritated skin due to moustache rubbing.

Burton Cummings:


As the leader of the Guess Who, Cummings and his moustache took the music industry by storm with the song, American Woman.  Even Americans enjoyed the song, proving that they can take a joke.

Lanny McDonald:

lannymcdonaldLanny, you may have won a Cup with the Calgary Flames, but you will always be a Maple Leaf to your Toronto fans.  Calgarians never appreciated your moustache as much as we did  in Toronto.  Oh, the things that must have gotten caught in your moustache!  Immaculate.

Wendel Clark:


Where would Leaf fans of the 80’s and early 90’s have been without Wendel Clark?  Drunk in the gutter, I’m sure.

He could score, he could fight, and his body checks were always the most spectacular.  Wendel’s moustache was just icing on an already delicious and hairy cake.

Alex Trebek:

alextrebekThe King of Trivia used to have a different title:  King of Hairy-lipped Men.  Unfortunately he shaved his moustache in 2001, and now he is only the King of Non-moustached Trivia.

Jack Layton:

jack_laytonThe only reason Jack Layton is as popular as he is in Canada is due to his moustache.  It is a well known fact that he made it to the top of the NDP by throwing his moustache shurikin style at his opponents.  Eventually no one wanted to debate him, and thus he was elected leader of his party.  True story.



Canadian Amoeba:

canadianamoebaIt is universally acknowledged that Canadian Amoeba has the greatest Amoeba-based moustache in the history of Amoeba moustaches.  And, yes, he does wax it.

Entry filed under: amoeba, canadian, culture, history, humour, lists. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

What America Really Thinks About Canada. Officially Official

11 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Alex L.  |  February 22, 2009 at 4:19 am

    I have to say Lanny is my favorite… I’m guessing he used to clean with the ice with it after the match. Trebek had an afro aswell, that man is just the embodiement of funk isn’t he.

    • 2. C. Fraser  |  February 22, 2009 at 4:40 pm

      Lanny’s moustache was considered a national treasure so cleaning the ice after a match would be considered an insult.

      I think Trebek defined the word funk.

  • 3. azahar  |  February 27, 2009 at 10:26 am

    “due to being over trapped for their luxurious moustaches”

    Ha! 🙂

    Never mind Trebek’s moustache – that hair! Gaaaaa!!!

  • 4. Mark  |  March 5, 2009 at 3:52 pm

    So the amoeba is a villain then?

  • 5. mudhooks  |  March 7, 2009 at 10:31 pm

    Dear me! What about Larry Zolf!

    Or Jacques LaRock, proprietor of “The Puck Stop” restaurant at Chilly Beach maker of heart-stopping poutine….

    Here is something you might enjoy.

  • 6. Shrinky  |  March 25, 2009 at 2:18 pm

    Lanny is a walrus really, isn’t he?

  • 7. Ian  |  April 6, 2009 at 1:18 pm

    When they get long you start to chew them. At least, I did.

    • 8. C. Fraser  |  April 8, 2009 at 12:49 am

      heheh…good for a snack when hungry.

  • 9. Canadu  |  October 1, 2009 at 8:44 am

    Jack Layton is not worthy of the list. His moustache is small and girly.

  • 10. ...Grow A Moustache! (@Crumb_Catcher)  |  April 29, 2013 at 7:17 pm

    Burton Cummings but no Neil Peart!?!? He stache was “progressive” to say the least in the 70’s! Great human medley you have here! Thanks!

  • 11.  |  October 13, 2014 at 1:31 am

    From the food we eat— to the places we visit— to the people we meet— to the classes we take and
    Oakley Dispatch II Sunglasses


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